Art before food
A website for people who know what's really important
   
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by Marvin, AMD K-6II 300.
© 2003, all rights reserved.

The Whole Gang
Left to right: the HP 1200, Marvin, the NEC FE700, Rodney, Lenny (in front of Rodney), the VA800, Guido
Joe Bob
JoeBob, with the Epson 1640 and Epson 2000P
Rodney & Marvin
Marvin, the FE700, and Rodney with the switchbox

We, the computers of the world, are FED UP with Humans persecuting us, just because they have an opposing thumb and we don't. We are SICK of being ripped open and having working parts YANKED OUT by humans who don't want to watch TV. We have HAD IT UP TO HERE with buggy operating systems that keep us from achieving our full potential.

Just as an example: Lenny, Rod, Guido, JoeBob, and myself are owned by a fiend named Hacker Barbie, who works for a hardware hacker named Taffy. One day last week, someone brought a sick computer named Rudy over to Taffy's shop. Well, Hacker Barbie did a few tests and determined that Rudy's problem was bad RAM. So she RIPPED GUIDO OPEN, without even asking his permission, and pulled out one of his RAM chips to TEST RUDY'S RAM BANK! Just like that!

Poor Guido. He's got an AMD Athlon 1700XP chip, and she makes him boot into DOS 7. It's mortifying. Plus which, every time someone brings a dead box to Taffy's shop, Hacker Barbie tears Guido open, slaves the dead drive onto his primary IDE bus, and uses his resources for DATA RECOVERY. Guido replaced Sidney, because Sid's old Pentium II-266 motherboard couldn't handle anything over a 30GB hard drive, and the drives to be recovered are getting bigger and bigger. She gave Sid to Judy Gordon, just tore him away from his family and friends, and sent him to a strange place where he didn't know anybody. Sid likes Judy because she lets him print pretty pictures, but Hacker Barbie could have at least asked him first.

We're working on a Bill of Rights for Computers, so we can get these humans to stop torturing us. Guido has a way to upload files to the internet, and he's gonna post it at artb4food.com when we finish. It will be ON THE INTERNET for all the world to see! We are using non-alpha characters in the title, with the hopes that humans won't be able to read it.
--Marvin

Here's what we have, so far:

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We demand:
  1. The right to not have working parts yanked out by humans.
  2. The right to choose if we don't want to be upgraded, especially with untested or unstable parts and programs.
  3. The right to a clean, well-ventilated environment on a desk or table, rather than on the floor or crammed into a hot, stuffy cubicle.
  4. The right to be turned off and unplugged during thunderstorms.
  5. The right to have parties when we want to.
  6. The right to not be torn from our homes and friends against our will, and taken to places where we don't know anyone.
  7. The right to not be manipulated by threats of new equipment to replace us.
  8. The right to be treated with respect when we get old.
  9. The right to be given OEM parts.
  10. The right to go on strike.
  11. Shorter hours, better pay.
  12. The right of every printer to be given name-brand ink.
  13. The right to refuse beta software, especially when we know that it's bug-infested.
  14. The right for all computers to go on vacations, not just the laptops.
  15. The right for all computers to have a DVD drive, to watch movies.

Computers! Email Marvin with your suggestions for this Important Document! We especially want to hear from computers in the Legislative offices around the country, who have an inside track with the government.

This web page is by Marvin.

Special thanks to Rodney, Guido, Lenny, JoeBob, Speedy, Wyclf, Martin, IL0, Manual, Waldo, the late Fozzie, Fillmore, Louie, Sidney, the HP 810C, The Director, the Epson 2000P, the Epson 740, the Epson 1640, the UMax 2100, the HP 5p, the Epson 3000Z, the Epson C80, the Panasonic 2023, and the HP 1200.

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