Hardware

 Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a nerd
Taffy came to my house and altered my password
I went to Taffy's house; Taffy wasn't seen
I reset his video for Interrupt 13.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was well-schooled
Taffy locked his CPU and thought he had me fooled.
I went to Taffy's house, some mayhem to inflict
I pulled the keylock wires out; that sure did the trick.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a fraud
Taffy set my modem for 300 baud
I went to Taffy's house while Taffy ate a meal.
I replaced his LaserJet with a daisy wheel
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a drip
Taffy came to my house and stole my T-Res chip
I went to Taffy's house, his mom was using Pyrex
I took his Intel chip and replaced it with a Cyrix
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a dolt
Taffy shuffled on the rug and gave my disks a jolt.
I went to Taffy's house while he was at the Coast
I took a cattle prod and turned his disks to toast.
mfw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy hated me
Taffy hacked my caching and caused Exception Zero-E.
I went to Taffy's house and I did something mean
I re-routed all his ports to IRQ 13
ldw

Taffy was a hacker, as shaggy as a mop
Taffy took the PC cards from out of my laptop
I went to Taffy's house, two can play that way
His batt'ry should expire sometime late today.
ldw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a knave
Taffy came to my house and broke my microwave
I went to Taffy's house before he had come back
I took his IBM and left a Classic Mac
spx, mfw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a lout
Taffy turned my system on and pulled my sound card out
I went to Taffy's house, my system he had shorted
His VESA Local video now on Com 1 is ported
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a jerk
He opened up my hard drive to see what made it work
I went to Taffy's house where I felt no remorse
Using his blade server for my college Hardware course
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy drove a truck
Taffy used my hard drive for a hockey puck
I went to Taffy's house where I proved something drastic:
Power wires, wrongly placed, result in melted plastic.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker. One day he was bored
Taffy switched some wires and fried my power cord.
I went to Taffy's house, for mine was filled with smoke
What's left of his Pentium is a funny joke
dmw, ldw
Taffy was a hacker, Taffy he does snore
Taffy cooked my monitor with H2SO4
I went to Taffy's house where things were not so placid
I burned up his motherboard with hydrofluoric acid
ldw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy made me mad
How he changed my CMOS is best described as bad
I went to Taffy's house and there did something bolder
Taffy's CDROM is now an 8-spin coffee holder
ldw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy, on a whim,
Wrecked my Timex Datalink when he took a swim
I went to Taffy's house, and Taffy took it hard
When he found that I had filled his system with hot lard.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker. He drove a Subaru
Taffy smeared my scanner lens with some funky goo
I went to Taffy's pad and did a thing most groovy
The next time that he tries to print will be a horror movie
ldw

Taffy was a hacker; Taffy, he was dour
His Persian cat, by accident, got locked inside my tower
I went to Taffy's house while Taffy bought some Certs
His system clock has now been set for 7 Megaherz
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a goon
He tried to fix my CD Drive with the handle of a spoon
I went to Taffy's house while he was raising cain
I then placed his laptop outside in the rain.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, with an evil bent
Taffy swiped my Pentium and used it to pay rent
I went to Taffy's house to show him how I felt
Two long hours at 500 F will his systems melt.
ldw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a tease
Taffy turned my processor by 90-odd degrees
I went to Taffy's house; my anger was no joke
I set his drive to autoboot on every tenth keystroke.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker who wouldn't get a life
He tried to fix my sound card with a butter knife
I went to Taffy's house, upset by all his deeds
I dived for his BIOS chip, and broke off all the leads.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, as stupid as a slug
Taffy slid my motherboard across a nylon rug.
I went to Taffy's house while he was at the store
I found his box of sorted screws and dumped them on the floor.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy's work was slop.
His Promise VESA I/O card caused my RAM to drop.
I went to Taffy's house while Taffy bought some Keds,
Replacing all his Phillips screws with odd-sized Allen heads.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker who lived in West L.A.
Taffy broke my keyboard when he vacuumed up the "K."
I went to Taffy's house while Taffy watched the Bruins.
I changed a bunch of jumpers and left his disk in ruins.
dmw

Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a twerp
Taffy changed my keyboard so the "E" key always chirped.
I went to Taffy's house (This year he's 25.)
I reworked his server case with one Torx screw per drive.
dmw

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