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The Family That Hacks Together, Yacks Together


How It All Began

On Thanksgiving Day 1995, we were at Dean's house, sitting around the table, eating the turkey that Yvette had cooked, when Dean said, "Mom, you ought to try Windows 95. You'd like it." And I said, "I don't have enough room on my hard drive." And Dean said, "You would, with Windows 95, because of DriveSpace 3." And I said, "I don't trust it." And Dean said, "I'll sneak over and put Windows 95 on your computer when you're not home. Then you'll see how good it is." And I said, "You do, and I'll steal your hard drive back. Remember, it is mine." And Dean said, "If you do, I'll take your sound card. You never use it anyway." I said, "We sound like that nursery rhyme,Taffy was a Welshman.*" And the whole family joined in. We wrote about four or five stanzas right there, before dessert was served. The first one, mostly written by Dean and Sparky, was:
Taffy was a hacker, Taffy was a rat
Taffy wrecked my IDE with a low format
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy wasn't there
I opened up his power supply and stuffed it full of hair.
The next day, Dean, Sparky, and I went to Micro Center in Dallas and bought computer parts. The boys got new Sound Blaster CD kits, and I bought Windows 95 for Monty.

Later that day, Dean called. He was having no luck installing Windows 95, due to hardware incompatibilities. I went over to his house to help. All the dreadful things that followed that afternoon gave us more Taffy material. When I returned home, Monty was muttering curses. After Windows 95 had installed itself from the Teac CD-ROM, it wiped out the Teac driver, leaving him without a CD drive. By Sunday night, we had nearly five pages of "Taffy" rhymes.

Now, whenever someone makes detrimental changes to a computer in our family, that person gets to be Taffy for the day.
mfw = Monty Webb
dmw = dotti webb
ldw = Dean Webb
spx = Sparky Webb
mjh = Mark Hommel

The Original Taffy

Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a cheat
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of meat.
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was away.
I stuffed his sox with sawdust and filled his shoes with clay.

Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief.
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not in
I jumped upon his Sunday hat and poked it with a pin.

Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a sham
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of ham
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed.
I took a marrow bone and beat him on the head.
This work © 2003, by The Webb Family, edited by dotti webb. All rights reserved.
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